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“I Do”

Posted by purplemary54 on October 14, 2012

I took a nap this afternoon, which left me all off kilter.  I was tired because I stayed up late watching The Avengers, and then was awakened earlier than I wanted to the sound of my father yelling repeatedly at the big fat kitty, Sasha, because she was doing things he didn’t approve of (okay, scratching the furniture is never approved of, but she isn’t scratching the furniture every time she stretches out her paws).  He has some issues dealing with her because she tends to be a little cranky and lashes out (read: bites) when she feels threatened or scared or irritated.  She’s bitten him a few times, partly because he doesn’t really read her signals that well and partly because she’s kind of a bitch.  I have to deal with her when she gets her claws caught or is super cranky because he can’t (or won’t, which I don’t really blame him for).

San Francisco lost their football game today (on the upside, the Raiders lost, too, so at least there’s cosmic balance).  I knew we needed to go to the grocery store today, but I essentially put it off because I didn’t really feel like it; now dinner is going to be kind of slapdash (and I don’t really feel like cooking, anyway).  It was hot (in the 90s here), although the house didn’t get too warm.  I have a touch of allergies, which means my eyes are watering and I’m a bit congested.  And as I said at the beginning, my nap left me out of sorts.  To top it off, I lost at solitaire on the computer a few minutes ago. *sigh*  It’s just been one of those days.

For the record, this is the cutest angry song ever. She’s like a pissed off kitten, all tiny claws and hisses.  Until your hand gets a little too close and you start losing blood.  It might be cute, but it is true.  “Everybody feels this way sometimes.”  This is the sound of finding your own voice, of standing up and saying you’re tired of getting pushed around precisely because you’re cute.  Or young.  Or female.  Or any number of other things people use to diminish each other and deny the fact of someone else’s anger.  “I will be ignored, and I will be denied.  I could be erased, I could be brushed aside.  And I will get scared, and I will get shoved down.  But I feel like I do because you push me around.”

I feel like I’m a little angry today, but I have no reason to be.  I know I’m cranky because I’m tired, but it feels like there’s something else there, too.   That’s the problem with generalized or free-floating anxiety: it kind of hovers around until it finds something to latch onto, and then it’s like a baby howler monkey, refusing to let go until you pry it off with a crowbar.  I’m not quite to that level, yet.  I’ll try to go to bed at a reasonable time and meditate tonight to head it off.  And I’ll get to the grocery story eventually.  And maybe someday my father will learn how to deal with the cat.  San Francisco doesn’t really suck this year (even if they played like it today).

But this song is still cute.

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2 Responses to ““I Do””

  1. I’m so sorry about your day, I think you caught my free-floating anxiety
    Also, I love the girl’s glasses in that video!

    • Those glasses are Lisa Loeb’s signature look. And don’t worry about your free-floating anxiety being contagious. I’ve been carrying my own around for so long that I’m not sure what I’d do if I succeeded in getting rid of it (but I’m willing to find out).

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