A while back I posted this when I was in a really bad mood after receiving my pizza very, very late from a certain national chain (it was kinda cold, too). I declined to name the chain because even though I don’t have a ton of followers, I really don’t want to encourage any endorsement/boycott of any goods. That’s not the goal of this little blog. But after reading this over at Dangerous Minds today (and I really need to update my links so that they’re on the regular list), I’m breaking my silence. In honor of Madame Weebles’ great feature ( sample here): Fuck you, Papa John’s!
Yeah, I used to like Papa John’s. It was okay for what it was (and the price), and the garlic sauce and pepperoncini were pretty awesome. And yeah, I knew the man himself was something of a Republican wingnut, donating and campaigning for The Money Grubbing Capitalist Whore that lost the election last week. But I can ignore that stuff sometimes (it takes a lot of mental gymnastics, though). Now that I know how he treats his employees, and that he’s going to use the Affordable Health Care act to justify both raising prices and treating his employees even worse, I’m officially done. You suck like a Hoover, John Schnatter. Or maybe a Dyson, since they apparently never lose suction (I wouldn’t know; I can’t pay $600 dollars for a vacuum). I was lukewarm in my decision not to buy your pizza anymore; there was a chance I might go back someday. Not anymore, boyo. I don’t spend a ton of money on pizza, but you ain’t gettin’ any more of it from me. And I’m going to actively send EVERYONE I KNOW to other pizza establishments. You are now the Wal-Mart of pizza chains for me.
You know, this song just gets better with age. I always liked the video, partly because it featured Neidermeyer from Animal House, but the song was never on my playlist before. It’s growing on me more and more, though. It’s kind of simplistic, but the best slogans always are. Twisted Sister was not exactly a talent-filled powerhouse band, but they had a couple of decent hooks. The bad make-up and idiotic outfits turned off a lot of people (me included), and scared the piss out of the PMRC. Secretly though, I think it was this song that scared the establishment more. This is encouraging people to throw off the yoke of conformity and fake morality. This is what’s really dangerous about rock music. Not the sex or drugs, but the fact that you can–and should–think for yourself. And that you shouldn’t do what the authorities tell you to do just because they’re in charge. “Your life is trite and jaded, boring and confiscated. If that’s your best, your best won’t do.”
I’m not gonna take it anymore. At least not from Papa John’s.