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“All This Time”

Posted by purplemary54 on May 25, 2013

I’ve been at my mom’s for a few days, and will be here for a few more.  She’s home from the hospital, and recovering okay.  She’ll be moving in with me soon enough.  From one parent to the next.  Primarily what this means for the blog is that I might continue to be a little spotty about posting for a while yet.  Sorry.

 

This is not one of Dad’s favorites, but it is a song that always makes me think about him.  (Daddy was also the first person I ever heard compare this song to something by Paul Simon.  He understood rhythm and stuff from his days of playing clarinet as a kid.)  My relationship with my father wasn’t nearly as fractious as Sting’s was with his, but we had our differences.  In the last couple years, I got tired of the way he would bait me into arguing about trivial things.  We are a family of arguers, but it seemed he was just trying to pick fights out of spite sometimes.  My father liked to disagree with people.  He liked playing Devil’s advocate.  Some of it was him wanting to show off how much he knew; some of it was him wanting attention.  Mostly, it was just who he was.

I can hear my father in these lyrics.  He would be the guy saying “What good is a used up world, and how could it be worth having?”  This song, the whole album really, was kind of a preview for me, a flickering light of the tangle of emotions I knew I’d be feeling when Daddy decided to shuffle off this mortal coil.

Sting wrote The Soul Cages, the album “All This Time” was taken from, in the wake of the deaths of both his parents in a relatively short time.  The album is a song cycle, meant to be listened to as a whole.  Listening to the songs individually doesn’t hurt, but they’re more meaningful in context.  He had a difficult, highly conflicted relationship with his father, and it shows in these songs.  If you’ve never listened to the whole album, I recommend it.  It is as emotionally and spiritually moving as it is musically pleasurable.

I’m feeling a lot of weird things right now.  Relief, anger, overwhelming sadness.  Worry for my mother, for my father’s brothers and sister.  Pressure to get things done.  Annoyance with people expecting me not to be able to figure things out.  Tired.  I know it’s all part of the process, but I kind of just want everything to be over so I can go back to my life.  Even though my life isn’t ever going to be the same again.

 

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2 Responses to ““All This Time””

  1. Take care, Purplemary. I hope everything settles down soon

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