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“The Whole Night Sky”

Posted by purplemary54 on June 11, 2013

The other night was kind of rough on me.  I just couldn’t stop crying.  I was doing some laundry–towels, mostly–and I tossed my dad’s jacket in there so I could put it in the bag I’m gathering for donation.  It was the one thing of his that didn’t make it into the big donation I made a week or two ago.  (Except for a flannel shirt that he never wore because it was too big; I claimed that for myself.)  Well, I took it out so I could fold it and put it in the bag . . . but I just couldn’t.  I turned into a sobbing wreck instead.  It felt so final, like I was discarding him completely.  It feels like I’ve wiped all traces of him from the house.  It’s not true. I’m keeping his cane and Egyptian knickknacks, maybe a few of his books.  I’ve got some old videotapes to go through to figure out which one is some old home movies (he thoughtfully labeled the one with the races of his favorite horse, Sunday Silence).  But I’ve been cleaning and changing so much, with plans for new floors and paint looming.  So I hung the jacket in the closet I just cleaned out.  It’ll go eventually; it’s in good shape, and I know someone will appreciate having it.  But I’m not quite ready.

Anyway, this Bruce Cockburn song seems to fit my melancholy mood (warning: the video contains one or two kind of disturbing animal images).  The only thing that made me feel better the other night was checking to see if the Yankees won (they did); I’m thinking I might have to do that again tonight.


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