Note: So last night was not a good one. Dad had to go to the ER again, although this trip was one and done. He’s got an infection and feels pretty crappy, but the antibiotics should take care of it. Problem is, between that and a couple other incidents after we got home, I didn’t get to sleep until around 3 AM. I got up relatively early, and haven’t really napped today. Which means I’m worthless at the moment. This rerun is the best I can do. The details might not be exactly the same, but the feeling sure is.
I took a nap when I got home from running a couple of errands this afternoon. I meant to lay down, doze for a little while, then get up and be productive. Yeah, right. I slept from around 3:30 until around 6:45. This means that I will be up most of the night. It also means that I’m feeling a little sleep-muddled right now.
Which puts me in the perfect frame of mind for John Lennon’s paean to insomnia. “I’m So Tired” is typical of White Album-era Beatles. It’s also, understandably, a little angry. Everyone gets a little cranky when they’re tired. Chronic insomnia is different, “it’s no joke, it’s doin’ me harm. You know I can’t sleep, I can’t stop my brain. You know it’s three weeks, I’m goin’ insane.” I can’t quite identify with getting little to no sleep for three weeks, but I understand what it’s like when your brain just will not stop. There’s so much going on and you can’t pin any one thing down. Or you’ve got something big worrying you, and you keep turning it over in your head, coming up with new scenarios or new disasters or new solutions or new problems. Or everything is imaginary. But it doesn’t matter because it keeps invading your thoughts, interfering with your ability to function in any and every way. Your brain just keeps going and going and going and going until you’re screaming “I’d give you anything I’ve got for a little peace of mind.”
Buddhists call this monkey mind, when your consciousness is chattering on like a monkey and won’t sit still long enough for your subconscious to take over. Meditation is supposed to be the cure, but it’s hard to get around it. I’m hopefully going to avoid monkey brain tonight by watching a movie tonight. It’s long, so I should be able to sleep by the time it’s over.
If I don’t sleep after my movie, I might be singing this song tomorrow. And now, for your listening pleasure, “I’m So Tired” accompanied by some lovely Beatles photos.